I've finished another set of small paintings with text added to them (still using my art as a journal :)) You can read the text below:
My comfort zone is midnight blue. I am not afraid of dark, silence or loneliness. I am a nocturnal animal, my eyes are perfectly adapted to darkness. I stand at the very edge of the void, forever looking in. Always dwelling in the shadow, under the surface, withdrawn but carefully observing.
My comfort zone is reading your mind and seeing through your masks but seldom judging. I find my safe space in pondering life and death and sometimes allowing my mind to become too morbid, too deep, too dark, too serious.
My comfort zone is being raw and failing to learn how to be a well adjusted woman, not wanting marriage, not being interested in motherhood. I let myself to be problematic and indulge in being defiant and subverting your expectations of what a proper woman should be.
My comfort zone is being stupidly, recklessly fearless. Tearing myself down just so I can build myself up again. I'm too familiar with swinging from one extreme to another and sometimes barely surviving.
But when I move to the edge of my comfort zone I find love. It challenges me to surrender, to let go, to become tender and soft, vulnerable and warm. Occasionally I permit myself to sit still, breathe in, breathe out, feel the love permeating my being, feeling it in my blood, in my bones and eventually in every cell of my body.
I feel it all but remain suspicious, skeptical and reserved. Love invites me to surrender but how can I possibly let go? Just the notion makes me scared, makes me feel powerless. But I persist and keep on breathing, breathe in, breathe out. Let fears melt away slowly one breath at the time and maybe one day I'll let love transform me, push me outside of my comfort zone.