When I was a kid my grandfather gifted me his old typewriter, one of those big, fancy 1960’s heavy machines that would make a lot of noise when used. I had a lot of fun with it, pretending to publish my own weekly newspaper that I also illustrated by myself. It was one of my favorite childhood games that I kept on “playing” as an adult as well after I got hooked on blogging in the early 2000’s. Every since then I’ve been consistently blogging using various platforms and blogging has even become (for better or worse) a part of my creative process. That’s why I kept on blogging and still keep this “journal” online even though I barely update it anymore. It’s a little bit ironic that I don’t write anymore especially since more than ever I feel I have something to say.
To be completely honest, last 12 months have been the most intense, transformational times of my life and I’m still overwhelmed by the various experiences I’ve gone through and when I feel overwhelmed I stay silent as in reluctant to express myself verbally whether I have something to share or not.
Last year has only been a culmination of various processes I was initiated into about 10 years ago so I’m still processing a huge chunk of my life and trying to comprehend it. It’s simultaneously liberating, bringing me much needed insights and exhausting at the same time and for the past few months I’ve been on the verge of complete burn out only wanting to withdraw from everything and deal with my own issues in private. If I had my way right now I would take the whole summer off, just to withdraw into the safety of my own world and slowly process everything that was happening to me but that is not an option.
Also, if it was an option I would be continue to blog and write about: art and spirituality, art as spiritual practice, working on and completing major art projects as a tool for personal growth and deep personal transformation, unconventional way to use astrology as inspiration for art, creating my own visual languages, art therapy, how being a reiki/energy worker for over 15 years has influenced my art and a thousand other things… but since I’ve been riding an emotional roller coaster 24/7 right now I just can’t muster up enough mental focus to write about anything. Hopefully that will change soon.
No matter what I’m going through I can always draw and paint so I’ve been still producing art and posting on my tumblr and instagram. I’ve also (due to getting SO MANY requests) started to work on my own tarot deck which has been a challenge in itself. The biggest challenge I’ve encountered with designing a tarot deck is feeling of insecurity and lack of self confidence. Most of my knowledge about tarot is purely theoretical, I don’t do readings either for myself or others. I never really had to do readings since I naturally use my art practice as a divination system. When in doubt about something I just intuitively make a painting about it and the image reflects back to me whatever I need to know. It’s like, by making a painting I am already pulling an oracle card just not from a preexisting deck but from my own inner world/imagination. This system works perfectly for me and my own needs but working on something more general, universal and not personal- well that’s a challenge. At one point I tried finding a trustworthy tarot practitioner to hire as a “consultant” on this project but couldn’t find anyone I was compatible with. Anyhow I’m going forward with it on my own and hoping to have the first version of the deck this November.
Another thing I’ve been drawn to do this summer is to make a graphic novel/comic book or maybe just a zine about some of my spiritual experiences. I can’t really write about those but perhaps I could illustrate them so I’ll see how that goes as a potential side project.