Very often I catch myself thinking why I create the type of art I do: abstract, non-figurative art based on patterns, colorful textures and hand drawn geometric shapes. I could say I love making patterns because I love repetition and my creative process can often feel relaxing, even meditating. Also one of the reasons I enjoy repetition is interest in improving my drawing skills, my craft and by practicing daily I can definitely notice slow but certain improvement. But those are not the main reasons why I'm compelled to create the kind of art I do. I think the main reason why I make colorful abstract patterns and compositions is my deep, insatiable desire for beauty.
Recently I was browsing though an online portfolio of a young photographer whose work deals with expression of intense emotions and sexuality. While the photos looked interesting I thought to myself "I could never make work like this". It's not because I'm not capable of expressing strong emotions or because I have issues with sexuality, it is because none of the images looked beautiful to me. They looked intense, genuine, powerful, provoking, interesting, expressive, original... all of which is great but they just didn't seem beautiful to me. I know that beauty is very subjective and that those images might appear beautiful to someone else but even though I did like looking at them and I understand importance of such work, I failed to find beauty in them.
And I crave beauty, or at least what I consider beautiful (and what is sometimes traditionally considered beautiful in art): appealing color combinations, balanced compositions, all elements of art piece working in harmony with each other to produce a perfect whole. Making the kind of work I do helps me explore all that, I can play with colors and messy ink textures and try to balance them out with more precisely drawn patterns and shapes to get satisfying and harmonious compositions. I am aware that can seem a little superficial to someone who believes art should always carry a message, tell an important story or express deep emotions. My work doesn't tell a story and it can come across as detached, even impersonal or non-intimate but that's perfectly fine with me. I create from place of deep love for beauty and endless curiosity about how to express it though very limited and basic vocabulary of simple shapes and patters and delicious, sensual, vibrant colors. My creative process is also a learning process that helps me understand how to create order and balance not only in art but, in my own mind and my own being as well.
To be honest, I think there is also a deeper, personal reason why I feel need to make beautiful abstract compositions. Throughout my life I've been exposed to many intense, difficult situations and experienced a lot of emotional turmoil so that's the last thing I want to be dealing with in my art. While expressing deep emotions (especially in a self-confessional way) can be very cathartic and therapeutic to some, it never helped me, quite contrary it only made me feel worse. But, I realized that trying to create beauty and balance in my art is very healing and makes me feel much better and rejuvenates my soul. It's soothing and calming and, as if by creating beauty and order in my artwork I'm also rediscovering beauty and strength in my own inner being and if I've learned anything by creating the type of art I do is to never underestimate the healing power of beauty.