Our bodies are so much more than just organic machines in constant need of maintenance and reparation, vessels made of flesh and blood and fat as they are often treated by conventional western medicine. Personally I always acknowledged my body to be much more than just a mass of cells, I felt it was a sophisticated instrument, a holder of ancient wisdom and truly a temple of the soul so I’ve always tried to treat it as such, taking care of it as best I could yet I still couldn’t imagine the level of connection between our emotions, experiences and physical body. But, my body, a kind and wise teacher that it is taught me a valuable lesson last year.
After a long time of feeling extremely tired, experiencing both intense PMS and irregular bleeding in between my periods my doctor diagnosed me with a tiny, begin tumor in my uterus. Even though it was not life threatening she still suggested (as any conventional doctor would) I should get a surgery and have it removed. After getting a second opinion I was mentioned there is a slight possibility for my uterus to self heal so I could to avoid surgery and of course I’ve embraced that option looking for any alternative healing methods. Taking maca supplements removed all the PMS symptoms and chronic fatigue but I would still bleed irregularly and it made me feel hopeless and desperate. I felt as if my body was somehow betraying me, hurting me, causing me unjust pain yet it was just trying to teach me a lesson.
So, one day, I got down on my yoga mat and asked my body to help me understand the real cause of my health issues, to help me heal. “Move as you wish, move me”, I said to my body and started to flow, allowing spontaneous movement. After about 45 minutes I became aware I was mostly getting into heart opening poses and then came to revelation of the real cause of my health problems: a heartbreak so deep, so repressed I couldn’t clear it out with tears so it manifested through bleeding. I became aware of a direct connection between my heart and uterus and got a lot of insight into how my body works in general.
For that moment on, a real healing process begun, a process of letting repressed emotions to surface, of allowing myself to feel the pain, of gaining deeper understanding of what caused the pain and crying oceans of tears. It was a long process that culminated last October (for my astrology peeps: when Venus was Rx in Scorpio, not a coincidence, right?) but as all of the pain cleared out so did my irregular bleeding stopped and my hormonal, reproductive health as stabilized and eventually got back to normal.
I am still in awe of interconnection of our emotions and physical body and it makes me honor my physical vessel so much more than before as well as feel profound gratitude for all the wisdom it offers me daily.